Friday, September 18, 2009

Relations don’t fail; it’s the people who do

Posted by Pratiba Bhat at Friday, September 18, 2009
Every living thing has its relationship with some thing or someone. Every species has a feeling and thinking. Even the tiny ants have a capacity to think, feel and sense. A pet animal has a very intimate relationship with his/her owner. Among all the kinds of relationships that exist in this world, the human relationship is the closest one to all of us. It is the source for everything in this world. Nothing good is possible without an existing human relation. No human can survive in this world without making a single human relation.

This journey of relation building starts right from the moment a human being is born. The first relation that ever builds is the Mother-Child relationship. After which everything else follows. We ourselves are the makers of a relationship. It is only and only in our hands. Note that I said only “makers of a relationship”. If this is the case then why do most relations fail? The answer is that, relations don’t fail, but it is the people who fail. Let it be a parent-child relationship, a relationship between two friends, a relation between two siblings, a relation between a daughter-in-law and a mother-in-law ;-D, a relation between a husband and a wife or any other relation, it is only the people who matter.

The way the relationship is carried out is solely dependent on the people involved in it. If a relation fails, then it is the people who make it happen. No God should be blamed for any kind of failure. But it is this blaming nature in all of us that leads us to problems. We never accept our mistakes most of the times, be it small or big.

The biggest mistake we do with a mistake is,

1. We deny it
2. Ignore the mistake
3. Blame it on some body else.

Why do we fail to accept our mistakes? The answer is this worst problem called as EGO problem (Eliminating Growth Opportunities). Most of the times, our ego is the only cause for us to fail in relations. I call ego as a fast poison. If this is prevalent among us then it is hard to make a healthy relation. No doubt, arguments do take place between two friends, between parents and children, between siblings, between a husband and wife. But most of us make yet another mistake of trying to defeat the other person in the argument. We tend to compete with our own beloved ones. It is very true that one person has every right to prove that he is right in an argument. (If he/she is genuinely right) But it should not lead to hurting the other person’s feelings. Arguments need not be done by raising the voice and shouting and screaming out aloud, or throwing things away or on each other. It could also be done by keeping oneself calm and cool, with a charming smile on the face and talking with a polite voice. It might be difficult to smile and talk politely when we are arguing. Some of you may even think that, “Pratiba has gone crazy to write things like these.” But I have an answer even for this. It is difficult to smile when we are arguing, why? The answer is ANGER.

Anger is yet again another fast poison. I call it the child of EGO problem. Whenever our ego gets hurt, anger is triggered. But the difference between anger and ego is that, ego can’t be easily noticed, but anger is noticeable just by the actions and expressions of a person. In this context I would love to quote one of my favorite sayings about anger. It goes like this, “When anger rises, think of the consequences.” But the flaw in most of us is that, we never think when we are angry. The saddest part of this is that many friends, families and married couples have messed up their lives by not thinking about the consequences if at all they start a fight. It is normal if a fight or an argument takes place, but we should make it a point to settle the argument without hurting each other, at least by asking forgiveness or by a small hug. After all they are our beloved ones. I have seen in my own eyes that in the most pathetic way some people have failed in their relations and this makes me very sad too. I only pray that they have learn t from their mistakes and never repeat it henceforth.

Always remember that the more we are rude to somebody, the more our conscience gets hurt. If our conscience is hurt then our inner soul gets hurt. If our inner soul gets hurt then we will never give out our hearts to perform any duty. If this happens we will be all the more unhappy and frustrated. Hence the source of every failure in relations is ANGER, and the source of anger is the EGO problem. I think and I hope you have realized the message I’m trying to reveal. If you have ever hurt anybody, go and ask for forgiveness right now!!! You won’t lose anything. You won’t lose all your wealth. You won’t shrink to a smaller size. You only will gain an awesome feeling after you have done it. I repeat; do it right now!!!


Vinay S, Asst Prof, Dept of ISE, NMAMIT, Nitte said...

Hey its amazing.. Exceptional write up.. Keep writing...

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